Something I found...The Reminder Logan Gave Me the Night Before His First Day of Pre-K 2008

I read this now 2 years later and it's like it was just yesterday.  I guess as a mama, these kind of things just never really leave you.  So glad I found this and can put it here...it's still a very valuable lesson.

Mon, Aug 25, 2008 

   

Logan starts Pre-K tomorrow morning.   With all my typical mama worries about schedule changes and school clothes, I have spent about a week talking about school to Logan and how it is about to be different from Mothers Day Out.   In all the preparation, I had not really sat down and given Logan a true idea of what school was all about.   Logan is a smart kid and adjusts well, so I really did not think I needed to overly indulge on every little detail.

Tonight, as I was trying to get him to bed early, he came out of his room about 5 times asking me  to come lay down with him.   Finally, after wishing he would just go to sleep, I gave in.   I could tell he had some worries about his new school.   I'm glad I went in there with him, because the next 15 minutes proved to be a lesson I needed to be reminded of.

He wanted to know if the teacher knew him.   At the schools open house last week, we showed him where his locker was with his name on a blue sticker.   He decided that the teacher must know him because she knew his favorite color was blue.   Since the teacher knew this, he decided they were going to get along just fine.

He wanted to know if other kids were going to be there that he did not know.   For all of you who know Logan, there is no one he doesn't know …at least for a very short time.   He never meets a stranger.   He asked if I thought they were going to like him.   I told him school was a place to meet new friends and learn new things and after a few days, they would no longer be strangers.   He said, "Good, because we could all use good friends".

I told him that there may be some kids that may not be nice.   They may not have the same rules we do at home so they may behave differently than he does.   I told him that he did not need to do what other kids did if he felt like it may get him in trouble.   If he felt like it was not nice or it was wrong, then it probably was wrong.   From this point on in our conversation, the true innocence and sweet nature of Logan came pouring out.

He told me, "Mama, if there is somebody being a bully then I will just have to show them something nice.   If they do something mean, maybe they just don't know how to be nice, but I can teach them".   He went on to say, "I will just tell jokes and be lovable.   If you are kind to people they will be kind back to you.   If you are a bully, you are probably sad about something".

As I sat there, I thought, I nearly missed this by marching him off to bed with stern warnings each time to not get out of that bed again.   My 4 year old reminded me that sometimes people just don't say or do what you want them to, but, with kindness in return, no matter what, it can't get worse.   That kindness just may be what they needed all along.  

Logan is finally asleep.   Sleeping, assured and knowing that he is going to be okay out there in this whole new world he starts  tomorrow morning.   New teachers, new classmates, new rules, new places….  All new to that little 4 year old mind full of imagination and great wonder.   All that confidence comes from him knowing that his kindness will bring great things. 

I kissed those sweet cheeks goodnight and tucked him in.   I realized I was at a moment that I was not going to get back.   Tomorrow brings new lessons for that little boy, but tonight brings renewed lessons for this anxious mother about to set a wonderful kid out on an incredible journey.   If I took a page out of Logan's book and told a few more jokes and were lovable,  I might just be okay too.   Maybe there is someone out there who just needs some kindness shown their way.   I will wake up tomorrow to a new day filled with unknowns.  That is the only known thing about tomorrow.   

I may think or seem to have it all figured out, but sometimes I just need a little reassurance too and that is OK.  There is nothing I can't do if I try hard enough.  Most of all, I can face anything bravely with love and kindness in my heart and a mind free from worry.  Kind of like a kid off to Pre-K.... ready to just make the most of it.... and never forgetting to have fun along the way.             

I hope you live to SEE another day 'Backpack'.....

           It has taken me a long time to get "acquainted" with my episodes of deja vue that come out of nowhere.  It really is mind boggling how it happens.  There always seems to be a lesson attached.  There have been times in my life I ignored the instinct, gut feeling or "vision of what would be".  Blowing it off because it happens quite frequently.  So, needless to say, there were times I did not pay attention.  There have been major life lessons stumbled through and over because I did not learn right then and use the moment to make a change.  Instead, things went on playing out another way, with less than desirable results.  If I had just paid attention….but, you know what they say about hindsight.

Today, I was in a trance driving 70 mph southbound on I-35.  I was thinking of things I needed to do when I got home, the Pre-K field trip I just left at the museum, what I was going to make for supper... deep in thought.  Then I got a glance.  Not even sure how.  Did I turn my head?  Did I see it in the rear view mirror?  Did I just "see it" in my mind?  Where did he come from?  I should have been paying attention….OMG!!!!  WHERE DID HE COME FROM?

A guy on a motorcycle, southbound too….but wait...I'm side by side traveling next to another car.  In a trilla-gilla-millasecond, I realize, this person is driving his motorcycle between our cars...right down the center of the highway on the dotted white line at about 80 mph at the least.  I see his purple backpack and every little detail on it.  His green pants.  His sparkles on his helmet and the skull and crossbones sticker on the back of his seat.  I got all that in a flash.

I wanted to reach out and grab him by the arm and tell him to STOP what I see he is about to do next...which is, continue on down the highway like he just did next to me, like Mission Impossible, down the white line in between the cars in front of me….and that is what he did. 

Then here comes the "vision":  He is going to get up there in another mile, try to take that exit by going on the right of that 18 wheeler before he gets to the exit and when he hits that far right white line...right before the exit starts to angle off….his back tire is going to do a little wiggle, fishtail kind of thing… 

Really, what am I going to do?  I can't stop him and tell him what's coming if he doesn't stop or change his mind on what he is thinking about doing cause I'm pretty sure I know!

Then it plays out.  There he goes.  Speeding up.  Merging right.  Here comes the exit.  Big truck on his left and white line on his right.  Please, please, please….don't do it!  He does. The back tire does the fishy thing and I wince waiting for what is next.

God's hand was on that fool's purple backpack.  The fish tail, back tire wiggle came and went and how that guy did not wipe out right there and smear his brains all over that highway is beyond me.

Doesn't he realize he could have been killed?  Does he realize how he would have changed MY life forever if I had seen him kill himself?  Then I thought, what if this guy is OK with dying?  Living like today is his last day.  Experiencing thrills, excitement, breaking some rules and living on the edge of disaster every chance he gets.  He's obviously not too concerned or else he wouldn't have driven his crotch rocket that way.  More power to him if this is the way he feels, but jeez, don't get me involved!

A long time ago, I decided these visions were quirky, which I will be the first to say, it's weird.  After a few of these learning lessons for me, I FINALLY came to the conclusion….What if it's God pointing something out to me so I can REALLY SEE...whispering in my ear, "Hey, wake up.  Are you paying attention here?"

I believe that is what happened today.  My 4 year old was asleep in the backseat.  I was in a trance concerned about other things and not thinking of driving like I should have been and out of nowhere, here comes a flying purple backpack.  Did God have my full attention at that moment?  You bet He did, because I instantly began to pray for Backpack's poor reckless soul right then and there as I saw him merge closer to that white line.  It certainly snapped me out of my trance and I was paying attention the rest of the way home. 

What was avoided as a result of me being made aware of my surroundings?   Today, a guy I've never met got a super charged immediate prayer to God especially for him.  Maybe that's what it was all about.  I certainly  thought about what could have happened, but what I can't help but wonder is this.  When Backpack's motorcycle did the wiggle fishtail thing...maybe, just maybe...God was pointing that situation out  to Backpack so he could REALLY SEE?  Whispering in his ear too, "Hey, wake up.  Are you paying attention here?"

I've procrastinated long enough I guess...

           

              My recent post to my Facebook page:  

        I've been keeping a little secret. I have a little spot in the world called a blog. Few know this is out there, but honestly, if you look at the date of the last post on my blog, you will realize the subject matter gives insight to my biggest blogging hang up. I put the "pro" in procrastination. I get sidetracked easily. I get bored easily. I am busy all the time and honestly, life happens. 

We live in a world of instant gratification. Facebook is quick, interactive and easy. Not to mention, most of my friends and family are there. I read my blog now, see the irony and can't help but laugh really.


I'm thinking, if you choose to follow my blog, I'll do it.


Several reasons:
**There is only so much you can really get into that little space on Facebook anyway. Not everything is a story, but my snippets make me think sometimes. Big picture kind of thinking. There are things on my Facebook page that I could expand on believe me!
**I'm about to be 40. I have lots to talk about that has happened in the last 40 years. The good, the bad and the ugly. Just told a story last night that my own husband said, "I have been married to you for nearly 11 years. How come I have never heard that story?" Really? And it was such a good story too!
**It's an outlet. Yes, sometimes I worry about what people think that I say. But, like I said, I'm almost 40 and this is a way to say, I don't give a damn what you think, this is how I feel...
**This makes me nervous for some reason, but I think it's been said, that you should do something everyday that scares you...
**My life is kinda odd at times. If anything, karma, Ying-yang and all that jazz plays out daily...
**This could very easily serve as my second blog post and get me over my hump :)...
**It has been requested. Many times. I like structure. I always thought a blog should have structure and a purpose. I've been random for years on Facebook and no one seems to care...so, to hell with structure. For those who know me well, that's a big leap for me.
**There is something about writing your thoughts that gives it a purpose. I like interaction and feedback. I think this counts.


I can vent, rant and rave on just about anything I want. So, why not? I guess I have procrastinated long enough.

Procrastination. I looked it up and I have decided that I'm a relaxed procrastinator. I avoid responsibility by directing it to another task. I avoid things that cause displeasure, so I indulge in more enjoyable activities. Therefore, I constantly have something going on, because that is the way I like it. I'm just on one constant procrastination wheel at all times. So, I have decided to take a sharp right turn from one of those responsibilities and indulge in something off the wall different. Just for the hell of it and because I personally call my form of procrastination "creativity".
Angie, one of my very best friends for over 25 years says I need to have a blog...Angie may be right, but Angie knows me and when she reads this, she will probably say, "yep, she finally did it because she was procrastinating something, but it took her forever to finally do it because she is of course a classic procrastinator." So, Angie, I have created it, now I just need to think of something to say. Thinking of something to say is not going to be hard at all for all of those who know me!
So, what I wonder is what is so interesting to write about? Who is going to read it? Oh my gosh, should I censor what I really think? It is all a matter of opinion right? Worldly issues will not be solved here. Famine, hate, racism, greed, ignorance will still occur on a daily basis out there in the world. But, the funniest, strangest, ah-ha moment kind of things seem to happen to me. Actually, they happen to all of us...it's just really colorful in my little world.
And that is, I guess, what I will have to say from time to time. Not just happenings now, but I guess what has happened too. All that happening is called "life". So I guess if you want to procrastinate something, read this blog, post a blog, ponder the word "blog"...whatever. But I guarantee if you procrastinate here, you never know what you might find!